Though he slay me

I have been in the lowest place spiritually I've ever experienced in my entire life. It's been about 2 months of desert season of my life. I've been in desert seasons but they have never felt like this one did. At the beginning of the season God showed me that I was like Job. Job was a prideful man. He felt because he followed the Lord bad things weren't supposed to happen to him. The day God showed me that I read most of the book of Job in 30mins. I soon realized I was like Job and I had said some of the exact things he said to someone prior. 

Job says though he slay me, I will hope in him. Honestly I didn't feel like I was being slayed just disconnected to the Lord for this entire time. I was trying to figure out what I had done to get myself in this situation. I was raised in a way that says if you are distant from God it's your fault. So I searched forever for the secret sin I had committed. 

But God told me toward the end of this time that I had done nothing to make this happen. This was a test for me to see if I would forsake him. 

Which is interesting because God knows if you're going to fail or pass before he sends on the test. 

I was crazy but I knew I had no where else to go. God is the only solid thing in my life. So no matter how much I feel like he has slayed me I will ever trust him.