What’s Meant to Be Will Be (or Maybe Not)

Lately, relationships keep coming up in my life. This happens every 8 or 9 months.  Everywhere I turn someone is talking about relationships; the good, the bad, the ugly.

In my last post, I spoke of the women who gave me some unwanted “encouragement” about my single life.

This past weekend I went to the beach with some friends. One of them really, really wants to be in a relationship, and won’t move forward with her life until she’s in one. It seems to be a crippling thing for her. Like she really thinks she needs a man to complete her.

Today I spoke to a friend about a woman she works with who has put her life on hold because she is waiting for her husband that may never show up. She won’t buy a house even though she can afford it. She won’t take a better job with better pay because she’s afraid that he won’t like that she makes more. She always speaks to my friend about her single status. This is so sad to me. God did not create us to live in fear but live day by day in his grace.

I can only speak to what I’ve experienced. I currently live in the southern, Christian culture where life doesn’t begin until you get married and have kids. Ring by Spring is real event for 22 year old college seniors. A 30 year old single person must be homosexual or worst: focused on their career.  We must stop telling women that life is all about marriage. That is a lie and unbiblical.  Life starts biologically at conception and spiritually when you meet Jesus and give him your life. I am a single person. However, I continue to live my life and do things that advance the kingdom of God. This is where I find my fulfillment. It crazy that we tell women these things yet wonder why they continue to marry men not suitable to be great husbands.

As I talk to and hear about these women, I realize their focus is all wrong. It’s like sitting on the sideline of a football game the waiting for the coach to put you in but you're in basketball shorts. Life is waiting for you to put on the right equipment and get in the game. We all know that life is unpredictable. Both women I mentioned above could get married next year and their husbands die the year after (God forbid but you know what I’m saying). Then what? Does your life stop again as you take time to heal and find a new mate? I think not! This is crazy to me, God is bigger than marriage! Paul said he wish we were all single like him so we could dedicate our lives solely to spiritual things. (1 Corth 7:8)

Would I love to be married one day? Yes. But is that my main focus in life? No. A few of the youth at church are actually worried about me because I don’t have a boyfriend and because I don’t talk about relationships all the time. This is sad to me; they are so young and already worried about being single for too long.  My focus is pleasing God. Worrying whether God is going to send me a husband is not going to make him come any faster. I shifted my focus my first year of graduate school because 1) the fairytale story someone in college and getting married didn’t happen for me; 2) I really started to walk in my purpose; and 3) I saw who God was apart from and in my marriage story.  Yes, God cares about that part of my life. But I can’t wait to live my life for some man who may never show up.

God has a purpose for my life outside of my husband. If I get married, if I have kids my purpose will shift to them but never away from what God has planned for me. So if he doesn’t come until I’m 45 I’ll buy a house have a great job making $100,000 a year. I’m not going to sit on the sidelines to wait to get into the life game. I’m actually already winning.

God is good y’all!